Christmas Presents

Photo credit – stolen from some share on Facebook

Just thought this was neat. That’s all, folks.

Contented

Eating: Dry crusts from Alyssa’s sandwiches, cold dinners and rejected vegetables (pity to waste them)

Reading: Anything on my kindle, one handed while breastfeeding

Drinking: Something non alcoholic and non caffeinated (actually re-visited coffee in the weekend, for the first time in months, so good!), and always cold even if it should be hot

Recreating: Hanging out the washing in the sunshine

Alone time: Supermarket once children are in bed

Life as a Mum is all about what’s best for children and family and it’s very easy to lump it all together into what sounds like a pretty average life. However, today I had a spectacular revelation:

When I was at school, I was always looking forward to the holidays. Towards the end of school I looked forward to leaving and going to uni. At university I looked forward to getting my degree and starting work. I met Antz and couldn’t wait to get married, and quickly was eager to get pregnant. When pregnant with Alyssa I was hanging out to meet my baby. Then I looked forward to her rolling and sitting and eating and walking and talking. I wanted to get pregnant again, and then I REALLY looked forward to going into labour and having baby #2.

Now, for possibly the first time in my life, I am completely content with NOW. I love Alyssa just as she is, and am relishing every moment of Toby. I have no desire for them to change, but love it when they do. Being at home with them rather than working is awesome, Antz is lovely just how he is as a husband and Daddy, it’s great snuggled at home on wintery days, and lovely being outside in the spring.

Despite the cold decaf tea, crusts of peanut butter sandwiches, broken sleep and the contents of my kitchen perpetually spread over the house due to Alyssa the Mini-Chef, life is perfect in the Now.

Tall Poppy-ing our babies

Do you know this parent?

The one who says their baby was walking at 10 months and is into everything. 

The one who says their baby is really fixed on their routine, so it’s hard to go places.

The one who says their baby has no routine, so it’s hard to get anything done.

The one who talks about how their baby refuses to be fed and has to get into their yoghurt with their hands or their own spoon.

The one who says that their baby is so interested in everything that they wake through the night, not wanting to miss out.

It makes me incredibly sad, and I want to say, “But… your baby is brilliant – not in spite of, but because of this”.

I like to hear parents talk about their babies in a way that trickles love between the sentences, that shimmers in pride, that has sudden startles of awe and amazement. I like to think that babies will hear their parents say they’re totally awesome. To say they are exploratory instead of into everything they shouldn’t be, that they are brilliant communicators instead of grizzlers, that they are discovering independence rather than being tantrum throwers, that they are snuggle lovers instead of sleep deprivers.

I would like our little people to have the knowledge and confidence that they are brilliant, whatever way they are. And, so important – to know that it’s a good thing to strive to be as brilliant as they can.

Breastfeeding – not just for newborns

So when you have a newborn there’s a tremendous amount of encouragement to breastfeed which is awesome given the in-exhaustive list of benefits it has for everybody involved. Sometimes it can become more like pressure than encouragement which is not so great.

Admiration is given for women who are still exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months, but it doesn’t feel so much expected.

As your baby nears a year old, the frequency of the question “so when are you weaning” starts to increase. I don’t mind “are you still breastfeeding”, but “when are you weaning” is not a personal favourite.

When I broke my arm a couple of months ago – Alyssa must have been 10 months and my GP knew this – I was prescribed tramidol for the pain, if required. Because I was in a rather lot of pain that first night I considered taking it, but just thought I had better double check that it was ok for breastfeeding mothers. It’s not. My GP later apologised and said she didn’t think I would still be breastfeeding.

Recently I was talking to a friend in a shop – a friend who I love and respect and know she enjoyed breastfeeding her children to just over a year – and she asked me in a whispered, hush hush voice if I was still breastfeeding. You know, just in case someone overheard because my baby is now so OLD!

I love extended breastfeeding.

Isn’t that hilarious, that just because our breastfeeding journey has gone beyond a year, that now we get this new Title. Just to put us into this new category, for some unnecessary reason.

I love breastfeeding my baby who is bigger than a newborn, because she can ask me for leche when she wants it. I know when she wants milk, and I don’t have to go and collect her because she’ll come and crawl into my lap.

I love breastfeeding my almost toddler because she loves me so much when she feeds. I’ll say, “snuggles?” and she pulls herself in as close as she can to me, to the point that her nose goes all snuffly, and then relaxes smiling as she keeps feeding. A baby smiling around a nipple has got to be the most beautiful thing ever.

I love breastfeeding my wriggly one year old, because she’s so funny with her wriggles and acrobatics.

I love breastfeeding my girl who’s getting more and more independent, because when I get home from work she can’t wait to have what nobody else can give her.

I love breastfeeding Alyssa because it means we can be on any adventure and I don’t have to worry about her going hungry or thirsty.

I love breastfeeding my hungry daughter because it saves us money on cows milk which would be the alternative now. (The fact that I perhaps get to eat more is all positive!)

So when are we weaning? Well certainly not today, anyway. Just whenever the two of us feel like it.

My wriggly one year old. Yes she is latched on here, and yes some stretching has occurred…

Remembering three years ago

This time three years ago I was heading into the hairdresser’s in Queenstown to get beautified for our wedding. I think Antz was either shaking off his hangover (because amongst others his mother took him out the night before – very out of character) or dealing with various things that were not going to plan, such as the generator not working.

We finished getting ready at home and had a hearty lunch of ciabatta buns and fillings – you know, those huge extremely floury buns. Perfect for a group of girls in immaculate make up.

The girls headed off by car for the 20 minute drive to Moke Lake and I waited with Mum and Dad for the chopper. The helicopter was a surprise, so the idea was that the girls would arrive at the venue with no bride, but a few minutes later we’d come swooping in.

However, I was much to excited to wait and so we actually arrived before them – as we flew in above the guests we could see that we were early, so in a little piece of exciting flying we perched up on a ridge overlooking the lake, and waited and watched.

The ceremony was brilliant – our celebrant, a family friend, talked about things like adventures, we talked about teamwork, a friend wrote and read a prayer about things like being ‘stoked on missions’.

Antz and I had another heli flight to get some photos up in the hills, then later we celebrated in the wool shed.

 

 

 

We stayed the night in a hut on the farm, planning to feast on the cooked breakfast that Antz was organising then walk up over Ben Lomond into Queenstown. Unfortunately he forgot matches!!! So we were up early walking for a few hours on empty stomachs, and arrived at his parents place when most people were just getting up and thinking about brekky. 

A great day, and the beginning of what has been three very fantastic years. I love you Anthony.

What is the rush?

Disclaimer – a long and wordy post!

We play with Alyssa in a different way to many other people, and because we’re so used to our way it feels bizarre when others interact with her differently.

There have been times when other people have seen Alyssa stand up by a box and stretch her leg up, obviously trying to climb in – so they’ve picked her up and put her in it. After a while, they’ve lifted her back out.

Someone will see her with a toy that’s supposed to do ‘something’ – such as one bit fit inside the other. They’ll see that she’s not managing to do this, perhaps pushing the opposite ends together, so they’ll take it off her and show her carefully how it’s done before handing it back.

Alyssa will be investigating something – perhaps a wooden car, and she’ll hand it to an adult. They’ll drive it along the ground and make broom broom noises for her.

 

However, Antz and I tend to let Alyssa discover her environment in the way she chooses to, at her own pace. If she’s trying to climb in a box she’ll either succeed or she won’t. If she doesn’t manage it today, she’ll get it tomorrow, or next week. I’m not sure why she’s doing it, but based on what I’ve noticed over the year it’s for the joy and practise and success of climbing and practising this, rather than being in the box. But to an adult it looks like she’s struggling to get somewhere.

In fact, even if she is struggling to get somewhere, we prefer to give her a chance to figure it out and also to feel frustrated if she can’t. Getting frustrated, working through solutions, feeling success – all important skills.

When Alyssa is playing with a toy that ‘does something’ (and all adult’s favourite toys ‘do things’) – why does she need to play with it in the way that adults can see it’s ‘designed to’? If it’s absorbing her attention, she’s learning about it – even if she’s not fitting it together ‘correctly’. If it’s not interesting her, she’ll investigate something that is. Interestingly, her favourite toys are the ones that do not much at all – a peg, a stick, a wooden block. When an adult gets on the floor and investigates her toy box they pull out the things that rattle, or click together, or have multiple bits of different textures, or twist in interesting ways.

Her favourite type of play is when I’m sitting on floor level with her, quietly observing. She’s doesn’t stay focussed for as long if I’m reading or typing or cooking, but likes me just to be there with her. She’ll investigate things for a while, then climb up onto me for a quick kiss or cuddle, then keep working. Every now and then she’ll pass me a toy and I have to resist the urge to make it do something for her. I want to encourage her to be interested from within herself, and not reliant on me discovering things for her.

But aren’t I robbing her of opportunities to see how things are done and to experience things? At our weekly SPACE (play centre type group) I resist the urge to put her on the wee plastic rocking dinosaur thing, while all the other babies and toddlers get to play on it with huge grins. But I know that she’s capable of climbing on it herself if she wanted to, and perhaps at some stage she will choose to. And if she doesn’t, it’s ridiculous to think she’s missing out on a really fun experience – everything is really fun for Alyssa, she’s as happy as it gets. She doesn’t need plastic dinosaurs to make her smile!

Apart from one time (when it was really for Antz’s enjoyment because what new dad doesn’t get excited about playgrounds!) – she’s never gone down a slide except for when she’s got on it herself. Before she had figured out how to reverse down things she’d climb up the steps, go to the edge of the slide, and back away again. Then there came a time when she just turned around and slid down it on her tummy, feet first. Not sure who was more excited – Alyssa or me.

So what is the rush? She could have been experiencing the joy of slides for a couple of extra months – but how much of this would have been for our satisfaction as parents, or hers?

I simply can not believe that we’re robbing her of the chance to learn things by not showing her the correct way to play with toys – we’re giving her the opportunity to figure it out herself if she ever chooses to.

Because really, what is the rush? When she’s happy, enthralled, fascinated and obviously soaking up new learnings by picking up the garden stones one by one, why do I need to show her how to put the plastics shapes through the correct holes in her toy?

A final note: All parents do things differently and that is awesome. I am happy for people to play with Alyssa however they like (unless you give her sugar!), and like to watch other parents play with their babies in different ways to us.

You might be also interested in an older post about interrupting babies play.

Asparagus Hunting

I headed out for a run about a week ago and passed somebody carrying a handful of asparagus.

” Asparagus!! Where did you find that?”

“That would be my secret”, came the response.

See, there’s this well known occupation in Alexandra called Asparagus Hunting. Some people know a few good spots which they return to every October, but I’ve never been so lucky. 

So since then I’ve been out hunting. It’s incredibly hard to spot in amongst all the other foliage. If you’re lucky you’ll see last year’s bolted stems which can be about a metre tall – but the problem is that somebody else has probably got to the fresh stuff first.

But yesterday I was lucky. My run again turned into an asparagus hunting adventure, and I found three spots. The first was just one old stalk with nothing fresh. The second spot had a number of skinny stalks that had already been harvested. But in the third I found a whole lot (that means 5) good ones.

More importantly, I now know of three places to revisit next year. The thyme is also blooming, so running or biking in the purple fragrant hills is fantastic. Perhaps asparagus seasoned with fresh thyme seared on the BBQ for tea?

Three steps

Not sure who was more excited, Alyssa or me.

Love this baby girl.

A fairly spectacular husband

Alyssa’s going through a little phase of only-want-mum. I’m sure it’s going to be short lived and probably has something to do with having been the sickest she’s ever been (which isn’t very sick, just that her snot has been a little yellow instead of clear and she has had a bit of a cough). She also popped through TWO new teeth yesterday – or I presume it was yesterday, I hadn’t noticed because I’d been keeping an eye on the top but these ones came unexpectedly through on the bottom. But for whatever reason she’s rejected her Daddy cuddles a few times recently, which isn’t much fun for anyone.

But we’re not too concerned because she loves Antz far too much for this to be a problem. This morning I sat in her room feeding her and once she was finished she said “Dad dad dad dad dad”, pushed herself down onto the floor and went to find him. When he’s at work but due home I’ll ask, “where’s Daddy” and she’ll head over to the door to watch and wait.

Antz gets up to her in the night or in the morning whenever I ask. If I feel like a sleep in he’ll get up with her even when it’s not my turn, and then have breakfast and coffee waiting for me. He baths and gets her ready for bed every night. He’ll delay going back to work in the afternoon so he can change her nappy. He has the cutest ‘discipline’ voice which she sees right through. He takes her to the park or out on adventures for all the afternoons when I’m at work. He brings the washing in when it rains and stands outside in the cold to cook when I’ve asked for a BBQ on a not very BBQ appropriate evening.

And he cooks me awesome food.

Happy Birthday Dear Alyssa

On Saturday 5th October we invited all of our favourite people around for a BBQ lunch.

The three babies ate first, all sitting around the table together.

Later on, we presented the cake. As you’ll remember I spent a long time thinking about this cake, planning its design and sugar free, artificial food colouring free requirements. Unfortunately we forgot to get a decent photo of the cake as a whole, and nobody really saw it up close.

Alyssa was so keen to get into it that the best photo we have just says “Lyssa”. Not to worry, she gets called that most of the time anyway.

The main thing is that she loved it.

Everybody brought Alyssa beautiful gifts which she enjoyed admiring and eating.

Alyssa and her friend who turns one on the 12th

After we headed out for a bike ride and the babies slept, we gave Alyssa her present from us – an Apricot tree which she helped us to plant. We also buried her placenta here, so it’s a special spot.

The following day we headed to Wanaka with Auntie JuJu and Uncle Sam. We went for a walk up Mt Iron and admired the view.

Then after our windy picnic by the lake Alyssa practised some more climbing.

With safety-spotting by Mama.

The day was rounded out by Antz and me going kayaking together (a very rare and very enjoyable experience).

What a great weekend!