Pause and Remember

I have a few friends who are having new babies this month and next, and although Toby is not even three months old, I feel a little envious.

The later stages of pregnancy is uncomfortable and tiring. Being in labour and giving birth is painful and hard work. New babies are exhausting and emotionally draining.

But my goodness, those times are the some of the very best times ever. In fact, they are the most powerful, awesome and incredible times of my life.

We (probably, and depending on cluckiness in a year’s time) only want two children – but it makes me feel so sad to never get to have those experiences again. When I feel like this I stop and think, step by step, through my own memories of those times. Much like savouring expensive dark chocolate, I pause on my favourite bits of the memories and try to recapture the emotion – the excitement and anticipation as labour started, the immense relief and satisfaction at the moment my baby was born, the feeling of a hot and somewhat sticky new born skin to skin cuddle.

At the end of reliving these moments I finish up with reliving what it feels like to be in transition (the most painful part of labour when you decide that you just can’t do anymore), and what you are adamant about just afterwards: “I’m not going to do that again” – and think about how much easier older children are than newborns and feel content that two will be enough, after all.

Besides, with a  bit of luck and encouragement we will have all of our siblings’ new born babies to look forward to!

Alyssa’s first feed, 30 minutes old

Toby’s first feed, 30 minutes old

Fun times with Daddy

I got home from work this evening to find my two favourites chilling out in the backyard together.

Me and my Daddy

Are we sleeping now?

Come and get me!

Are you still coming?

Ok, now for some rugby…

And handball…

And snuggles…

And now let’s go get Mummy!

They only have another week of their afternoons together before Antz starts his ‘conventional’ job. Who will miss who more?

Up then down then up then down then up…

Alyssa is one for practising new skills. The house we stayed at in the weekend had a full flight of stairs, and Alyssa’s favourite game was speed-crawling on hands and feet up and down, over and over again. Dozens of times.

She particularly loved it when somebody chased her up – then she’d speed-crawl while giggling all the way to the top. She’d sit there looking pleased with herself, then turn around and begin reversing for the descent.

After a while she figured out that if she kind of lay on her tummy with her legs out straight ish she could come down much quicker (feet first).

And then she’d go straight back up again.

For the first few attempts we spotted her closely, and had a couple of heart in mouth moments when she slid head first down a couple before coming to a gentle stop. She wasn’t concerned though, and so after a while we just left her to it so we could get on with watching Team NZ be 0.2 degrees off a capsize.

Remember when I wondered if I should teach her to go downstairs backwards? We didn’t, and about 3 weeks ago she just figured it out herself on the steps off the deck. Until then she’d go up to them and just kind of grizzle because she wasn’t sure how to do them. Now she turns and back off things like the couch, bed, coffee table (after we’ve put her up there, she can’t climb that high just yet!).

She also took her first free standing step – an uncontrolled wobbly step, but the first time I’ve seen her lift a foot while standing unsupported.

Practising climbing – up, down, over…

Lots of standing unsupported

While we’re on the topic of my glorious baby’s achievements (am I ever not on this topic?), another area that’s she’s practising is Tool Utilisation. She’s all about trying to brush her hair with my hairbrush, brush Harry Bear’s teeth with her toothbrush, and attempt to scoop up her dinner with a spoon.

Practising clapping

She’s nearly one, and yet we still pinch ourselves that we made this little person and that she’s ours, and we’re hers.

Loving our baby girl

Alyssa Likes Cats

There have been various occasions when I’ve been asked to describe Alyssa’s personality or what she likes. Until recently I’ve been a bit stumped. Although I know her as well as it’s possible to know anybody or anything – perhaps even better than I know myself, I’ve found it really hard to articulate her personality. She just is. Awesome. My favourite. Best thing ever. In fact, even a month or so ago when we started thinking about what kind of birthday cake to make her Antz and I couldn’t come up with anything that would represent a favourite thing.

However, now I can describe what she likes and who she is. Her little personality is becoming so clear.

She is bold and brave and an explorer. The only time she sits still is for the first few minutes when she’s somewhere new, or if lots of unfamiliar people are in her territory. But once she’s sussed things out, she’s off – crawling, climbing, standing, tugging, throwing, poking, cuddling.

She delights in her successes. She is absolutely stoked when she does something that she’s pleased with, or that she knows pleases us. Her face explodes into a massive grin when she spontaneously claps, finds something we’ve asked her to search for, or manages to climb somewhere new.

She is always busy and doesn’t sit and play with one thing for very long. Other little people have figured out that they can put this on top of that, or this inside that. Alyssa will consider this for about 2 seconds then move on to the next thing. In saying that, she’ll often sit still for some time observing what’s going on, contemplating.

When she’s tired or uncertain she’s cuddly, but often she’s too busy to sit still for a snuggle.

She likes cats – real cats, pictures of cats, patting cats. This has probably originated from the friendly neighbours cat who often visits at the back door. In fact, if we say “where’s the black cat” she’ll immediately head to the back door to see if he’s there.

Black Cat

 

 

Hide and seek behind the clothes horse

She loves to play hide and seek and when people play peek a boo. Almost always guaranteed to result in grins and giggles.

Hide and seek on the deck

 

 

She loves to be outdoors and having a good look at things. She’s always happy in the back pack and chats away, pointing things out and taking in the scenery.

 

 

Outfit chosen by Daddy.

She doesn’t like hats, but is really cute in them. However, if she’s distracted she’ll keep them on.

 

She loves balls. Big balls – which she can actually grab in both hands and stand up while holding it (I know, my baby’s very advanced!), and little balls which she throws in the scrummiest way when we ask, “can you throw the ball?” (I know, so clever!).

 

Ten Months Old – A whimsical post

10 month old blue-eyed bundle of love. How is it even possible to love someone this much?

The things Alyssa likes
– Being with her Daddy, and seeing her Daddy after some time apart
– Being left in peace to explore things in great detail
– Bath time – but not really in the full sized bath, although she does love the pool
– Cheese, banana and kiwifruit
– Coming to find us when we’re hiding
– Exploring new places especially if it involves some climbing
– Moving and looking at things, especially animals and other little people
– Balls – netballs, basketballs, coloured balls at the pool…

Playing with Daddy

Investigating things in great detail

Love my Mummy

Got my Mama and Papa right where I want them

The things Alyssa doesn’t like
– Not getting a mummy cuddle after she’s spotted me if we’ve been separated
– Lying still for a nappy change or outfit change
– Eating raw ginger, chilli or cayenne pepper
– People getting in her bubble before she’s had a chance to investigate them from a distance

Grumpy?

Interrupted babies

Focussed on Nani’s music

I’m making an effort at the moment not to interrupt Alyssa when she’s busy. The ability to focus on a task is an extremely important skill, and it’s not uncommon for people to find it challenging. There are so many distractions in life! But that it’s difficult to stay focussed is really not much of surprise given how often babies are interrupted.

Here are some examples:

* Last week I took Alyssa to mini muscles for the first time, which is basically a big room full of all sorts of exciting foam mats, tunnels, foam steps and slides, balls, obstacles… I thought this would be perfect for a baby who’s all about climbing and exploring. We arrived, I sat her down and she went and played with a washing basket in the corner. A washing basket!! We have those at home, Alyssa – why don’t you get into all the other fun things? It was a real challenge to leave her to focus on and play with what she chose to, rather than redirecting her attention to what interested me.

* Alyssa is busy playing with her yellow peg (current favourite toy), and somebody comes to visit. As expected, we all try to redirect Alyssa’s attention to the person and get her to play with them. Perhaps a simple ‘hello Alyssa’ and then just enjoy observing her focussing on her task might be more appropriate.

Of course there are times when we see that a task needs to be completed (nappy change, lunch, getting out for an appointment). But perhaps it would be more polite and respectful to give Alyssa some prior warning – “we’ll change your nappy in a couple of minutes, darling”, or “lunch is in 10 minutes”.

After all, who am I to decide that building blocks with me is more important than investigating the piece of fluff in the corner of the room?

There are times when I just can’t help but sneak up behind her and kiss the soft patch on the nape of her neck and stroke her cheek…

How many times a day does your Mama-heart burst with the loveliness of your child?

What if men could breast feed?

Interesting and somewhat bizarre article on stuff today:

What if men could breastfeed?

Key points and my thoughts:

* Apparently it’s physiologically possible. Interesting, and potentially useful and worth exploring if a Mama passes away leaving a newborn

* The article suggests it would be handy to ‘share the load’ – implying Mum and Dad both do some breastfeeding. But what about supply and demand? Breastfeeding is a relationship – baby needs milk, mummy needs to feed. If Daddy starting doing some feeds this would be equivalent to supplementing with formula, leading to reduced supply at the times when it’s needed. Not as simple as the article implies.

* The article uses an example of this being useful if a Mama has mastitis. However, feeding your baby is the number one best way to deal to mastitis. Supplementing elsewhere is not helpful (if the goal is to continue breastfeeding).

* “I wish you could do this too” – I know there are mums out there who probably think this too, but I am absolutely the opposite. I love being the only one who can feed Alyssa (probably why I resisted trying a bottle of expressed milk until 6 months, when she wasn’t at all interested).

* Moreover, the article asks rhetorically whether it would be wonderful to share the unique breastfeeding bond with our partners. Um, no! Selfishly, it’s just for me! The breastfeeding connection is a continuation of the connection we had after being one unit for the 9 lovely months of pregnancy, and not to be shared (even though I love you very much, Antz).

First breastfeed: 38 minutes old

* Finally the article suggests that in this modern age, men and women should share an equal and equivalent role in parenting. On this, I firmly disagree. I think it’s important for babies to have their needs met by the parents working together as a team, but assuming different roles. We have different skills and different approaches to challenges, and this is a good thing.

We are lucky that Alyssa has the best Daddy in the world, but breastfeeding is just for me and her.

One day old Alyssa, smiling in her happy place – post feed slumber

My Little Sponge

Before becoming a Mama, parents would say things like “being a parent is the best thing ever”, “the love you have for your children is incredible”, and “it’s so much fun going on adventures in the outdoors with your children”. All of which is so true.

But I hadn’t considered what a privilege it is, and how incredible it is, to watch my little human learn and absorb so much.

There are the physical developments – going from being entirely dependent, floppy and helpless to potentially running and climbing within a year. I’ve already talked about how, as a physiotherapist, observing these physical skills develop is extra special.

But just lately I’m really starting to appreciate how much of a little sponge Alyssa is, and how much she’s capable of cognitively. She’s comprehending, communicating, understanding relationships, observing, deliberating, demonstrating an appreciation for cause and effect, anticipating and experimenting.

For a while she’s known who ‘Daddy’ is and will search for him when I ask where he is. She’s just learnt to wave hello and goodbye. When we clap she watches us closely, like she knows that it’s important – then starts waving with a big grin. Just yesterday we noticed that she knows what her teeth are – when we say teeth she starts smacking her tongue against her lips like she does when she tastes toothpaste. She likes to dance – when we say ‘bounce’ she starts bouncing up and down, especially when there’s music. Hide and seek is her new favourite game, and she loves to be chased around the floor when she’s crawling.

It is such a privilege to observe this, and to have the opportunity to teach her new things for the very first time. Because I have been with her for almost her entire 9 month life (bar a few hours away at work or sport), I know every thing that she can do. And I thought I knew everything that she is capable of. However, I am just learning that, given the opportunity, she is capable for so much more than I thought. She is ready to learn exponentially about her world – and I am in a position to teach her more and more and more. This is so special – there are lots of reasons why being a parent is awesome, but at this moment in Alyssa’s life – this is the coolest reason ever!

Alyssa has the best Daddy in the world

Alyssa and I are so lucky. Of course, as an organised pre planner, it’s no coincidence that I ended up with a husband who was going to make an incredible father. But although I knew he’d be good I don’t think I realised just how excellent he was going to be. Here are some examples.

– I have never changed a meconium nappy. When we got back to Alexandra 5 hours after Alyssa was born, I started trying to change her nappy for the first time. Antz saw how exhausted I was and took over, relegating me to the chair – and he did all the nappy changes for the first few days.

– I am a very inexperienced baby bather. Antz baths Alyssa every night when he’s home, followed up with getting her into her PJ’s, reading her a story and winding her down before her final feed.

– Antz looks after me first. In all the moments when I’ve obviously been not coping, he comes to me and gives me a cuddle, then takes over with Alyssa. He makes sure that I get exercise regularly, hounds me to get on my bike because he knows it will make it feel better. He delivers me water when breastfeeding and gets up early in the morning with Alyssa to let me sleep.

– He is a confident Daddy. When Alyssa was 3 weeks old he sent me off for my first proper bike ride, and took Alyssa to the pub. Not only happy to be left in sole charge of a newborn, but taking her out in public! He loves the challenge of figuring out his parenting skills and meeting Alyssa’s needs on his own – and just this week has been able to resettle Alyssa at night and put her to bed without me (bliss).

– Alyssa needs her Daddy. We’ve had a rough couple of months which has almost exactly coincided with the times that Antz has been away for work. He’s been back home for a week now, and things are rapidly improving. Alyssa is a much happier baby when she has Daddy cuddles.